Lifestyle

Using Internet Chat Rooms

What's so good about it?

It's an easy and cheap way to make contact with other men. You can do it in the comfort of you own home, you don't have to dress up, spend money or go to noisy smoky places. It's also pretty anonymous – you don't have to use a picture (although it may make it much more difficult if you don't) you certainly don't have to use your real name. It can be particularly useful if you live a long way from any kind of gay scene, or if you find getting out of the house difficult for any reason, but it's equally popular with guys from the cities. it also has the advantage that it's easy to find guys into exactly the same things that you are, either by finding a room dedicated to the subject, or by describing yourself in a certain way in your profile or nickname.

So what are the downsides?

There can be a sense of raised expectations. You might spend hours chatting to a guy, to find he suddenly hangs up without explanation. Sometimes people can be pretty abrupt or abrasive in chat rooms, and there's no-one to turn to for support. It can also be quite addictive and start eating into huge chunks of your free time, possibly reducing the time you have to spend with people in 'real time'. It can also lead to disappointments and false expectations – sometimes people describe themselves in ways that could at best be described as 'exaggeration' – what if the guy who described himself as 23 turns out to be 80?? or 14?? There is also an element of risk in meeting up with strangers, and you should remember that anything you put on the internet can be accessed by anyone at any time, so if you put your favourite sexual fantasy on your profile, you may want to think about how you would feel if someone at work then gets to see it.

Some tips for safer internet use:

avoid giving out your address to people you don't know
avoid sending nude pictures – they can be copied and sent to others, and remember that anyone can access your profile
remember that you could be chatting to someone you know
if you are concerned about other people accessing your computer contact us for information on clearing your tracks. Remember that a software engineer will always be able to trace where you have been.
public places are safer than people's houses for meeting up
if you are concerned it might be an idea to tell a trusted friend where you are going, or tell them to expect a call form you at a certain time.
it's easier to stay in control if you are not drinking alcohol
carry condoms and lube with you at all times
just because you have agreed to meet you are under no obligation to have sex

So where do I start?

One good place to start is the Gaydar site. You can create your own profile, and then join one of the many chat rooms on the site. there are two rooms for Hampshire, which is a good way of meeting local guys, and at least one of them is often full, meaning that there are over 70 guys in the room.